Getting back in the groove

Well, I survived all of my stressful events of the past week.   I think I managed things pretty well.  A big family event, visits with each of my sisters, long car rides and hotel stays with the kids, the arrival of a new puppy (!!).  Add in some unexpected changes to our schedule and logistics for good measure.  Looking back, I think I can be proud of how I handled myself through it all.  Not perfect, certainly, but better than I would have a few months ago.  Perhaps the most helpful thing for me was thinking ahead of time about the things that would cause me anxiety or emotional upheaval.  I then forced myself to think of approaches that would make those things less stressful and overwhelming.

I took a break from WordPress while I was out of town, and that seemed strange.  I didn’t realize how connected I had become to fellow bloggers and their experiences.  Not that anyone would know 🙂 but I missed reading about what was happening in their worlds.  And then when I got back from my trip, I became overwhelmed by all of the blog posts I had missed, so I sort of froze and put the blog world on hold.  (This is rather similar to how I handle paperwork around the house – I get overwhelmed, and then paralyzed.)

I’ve often wondered whether blogging and reading about others’ mental health adventures are helpful things for me.  There’s no doubt that I’ve gotten tremendous insight from reading others’ blogs, and I’ve appreciated so much the encouragement and support that people have shown me.  But the thought that gnaws away at me is that maybe the blogosphere causes me to be even more “in my head” (which, I assure you, is not a good thing).  I am all too happy to analyze and reconstruct my every thought and feeling.  Not because I think I’m really worthy of all that fuss, but because I’m somewhat obsessed with understanding what’s going on in my head, figuring out the lessons learned, and applying those lessons in the future.  This is not always healthy for me – because for one thing, it creates a delusion of control.  That I can control my depression and my feelings in ways that simply aren’t possible.

My concern is that maybe the blog world forces me even more into that kind of introspection.  And maybe it gives me an excuse not to be out and engaged with the world, because it’s safer and more comfortable to be sitting in a quiet house with my laptop.

So I delayed getting back to WordPress.  Just for a short while.  Then I tiptoed back into reading various blogs and catching up on all the posts I had missed.  It felt good to reconnect with people through their blogs.  I felt happy when I read positive posts from people, and I felt compassion when I read posts from those who were struggling – even if they had no idea I was reading at all.

It felt good to be back.  Right now I guess that’s all that matters – I don’t need to dissect exactly what I’m getting out of it, or why on earth I think I’m qualified to write a blog, or how I would ever explain this blogosphere experience to someone.  It feels good to be here and that’s a good enough bottom line for now.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Getting back in the groove

  1. I was wondering where you had gotten off to. Welcome back! Glad to hear you are pleased with your performance over the last week. Success is a wonderful experience.

    In my opinion, anyone is qualified to write a blog as we all have a unique perspective on life. Only someone who has experienced the world of blogging could understand it. We are an interesting bunch us bloggers. 🙂

    Like

  2. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here and blogging, and I’m always happy to see your comments on mine. Do it for as long as feels right. (Incidentally I’ve also pondered on the whole idea of the blogosphere being good/bad for me before, but I think if I wasn’t getting thoughts out in the blog, they’d be stuck in my head, so for me at least, it’s most definitely worth doing)

    Like

    • Thank you – I’m happy to see your comments over here, too. 🙂 I think it does help to get the thoughts out – specifically for me, the act of writing them forces me to really put words to the feelings and do my best to process them. So that’s helpful in addition to the support and encouragement from bloggers like you.

      When I started to blog, it was very much on a whim and completely unlikely anything I would every do. I told myself I would do it for a month at a time and assess regularly. So I guess I should just stick to that and see how I feel as time goes along. For now, though, I’m here!

      Like

  3. Glad to see you back! I too find reading what others have shared to be comforting. They remind me that I’m not the only one in the world who’s suffering, and that joy can be right around the corner (even though I can’t see it, and even though it might be ephemeral). A puppy! What a blessing, despite the mess. My little Lhasa girl will be 4 on May 20. She is worth much more than her 12.5 pounds of gold. But oh my, we had a time getting to this point! She was 8 months old when I got her, and not potty trained! Ooof. But we made it, and she is now my fully functioning service dog! Blessings to you and your new family member from me and Noga (Woof)!

    Like

    • Thank you! The puppy adds some extra strain, which really concerned me since a lot of that work will fall on me by default. But it’s been 2.5 years since we had a dog, and I had forgotten how much I loved the petting and the awesome tail wagging when I walk in the door. My favorite might be the feeling of a dog curling up on my feet to sleep. There’s definitely something good for my soul in that. 🙂

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s