… and it was going ok. Actually, better than ok – but don’t tell anyone or you’ll jinx me. (Although…as I read through this again…perhaps I’m already jinxed? 🙂 )
I knew that today was going to be my busiest, most stressful day of this week, with two kid activities and lots of other things scheduled, including (thankfully) a therapy appointment. So last night I did what all good boxers do before a big fight:
I put on my jammies at 9pm and went to bed.
Now, Sleep and I have a complex relationship. On the one hand, I love and need Sleep; on the other hand, Sleep takes over my life when I’m depressed. But last night when I chose to go to bed rather than relax on the couch with my husband or catch up on my blog reading, it felt like Self-Care Sleep rather than Depressed Sleep. I felt like I was doing a good job of preparing myself for the busy day ahead. All good stuff, right?
Then this morning dawns and I feel the pile of hot rocks in my belly. It’s the unexpected things that start to make me feel anxious. Like the fact that I woke up my computer to a black screen of death – I was able to resurrect it but I fear that it’s going to die before I get anything backed up. Which then leads to “Oh my God why haven’t I backed this thing up?” and 27 other thoughts about the mechanics of that. But I don’t have time to deal with that today.
And then the Universe reminds me that it has a wicked sense of humor. My therapist’s office called to say that my therapist is sick and needs to cancel my appointment today. WHAT?!? Yes, that helps with my stress of running around to a million things today, but I also desperately needed the appointment to prepare myself for the weekend ahead, visits with my sister, etc.
I laughed when I got off the phone. And then the hot rocks started to head up some more. The unexpected things trigger some anxiety, and then it spreads like wildfire to everything else in my head. And today there’s a lot of everything else.
So I’m writing this on my stoop, getting some fresh air and listening to the birds. Next I will meditate for a grand total of 3 minutes (the length of the guided meditation I downloaded). I will plan a walk/run later this morning even if it means that I have to shower twice today (egad!).
And I will try to tell myself that I’m doing a great job. Right? Right?