It’s been a little while since I’ve written. On the one hand, maybe this is good news because it means I’ve been busy! and productive! and healthy! On the other hand, maybe this is not-so-good news because it means I’ve been steadily slipping.
In reality, it’s been a combination of the two – but with a definite emphasis on the second possibility. Damn.
Last week my therapist inquired about my blog writing and she said that it sounded like my blog was a form of self-care. Maybe it is. And if so, then when I haven’t been writing, maybe that’s me avoiding self-care – trying to stick my head in the sand and pretend that all of the crappy stuff doesn’t exist.
The thing is that my life isn’t awful. And sometimes I wonder if the things that feel like slips are just part of normal life and I make them out to be more than they are. The worst part is when I struggle with the notion that the times that are tough for me are just because that’s who I am – and not because I have depression.
Mostly right now I don’t feel great – and yet I’m so tired of obsessing about myself. And maybe that’s what the blog does? Just give me an outlet to encourage unhealthy obsessing? I don’t know. Big sigh.
Remember that break I mentioned in my last post? I think I’m taking a rain check.