Well, it’s official – I’m on the slippery slope. That’s the term I use for when I feel like my depression is starting to creep back in again. Not that it’s ever fully gone, but there are times when my footing seems reasonably solid, with some coping strategies in place. And then there are times when it feels like my Depression is mounting an attack – that’s the slippery slope.
I’m there now. I was feeling like I was getting worse, and then my therapist agreed last week – so of course that makes it official! 🙂
I still have the same situational stressors that I’ve had for months now, without a definite end in sight. But I’ve been slacking off on my coping strategies. Frankly, I was tired of my coping strategies. Do I really have to approach each day with a list of Things Necessary for Me to Function? Do I really have to schedule in 30 min of cardio, and time for deep breathing, and map out healthy food, and always get 9 hours of sleep?
Gah. The whole thing seems so tedious. So last week I decided I simply wasn’t going to think about it and my mantra was “Just keep moving.” I moved, and moved, and moved – because I didn’t want to stop and think. In reality I was trying to outrun my Depression. Which worked for a few days and was incredibly productive – but then I crashed and slept for 3 hours one afternoon. In the middle of the day. And I knew that it was Depression Sleep.
This week we’re on vacation at the beach, which makes it harder in many ways for me to take care of myself. I’m kind of tired of all of this thinking about me stuff. I just want to live each day, and be happy, and not spend so much rotten time thinking about how I’m going to live and be happy. It’s tiring and seems self-indulgent somehow.
But enough about me. As the reality of my slippery slope has settled in, and I thought about writing this post, I wondered what terms other people use to describe the feeling when their depression/anxiety/pick-a-mental-health-struggle is intensifying. One commenter called it “circling the drain”, which I thought was a great visual term. How about you? What metaphors do you use for your mental illnesses?