Today all of my efforts seemed focused on self-sabotage.
I’ve been staying up way too late, and running low on sleep – and yet last night I stayed up past midnight, puttering. It’s awfully hard for me to get the 8-9 hrs of sleep I need when I go to bed that late.
This morning I had a healthy Greek yogurt for breakfast, followed by 4 cookies later in the morning. Ok, it was 6 cookies. They were small bakery ones…but really, does it matter? My skin is already showing signs of this kind of poor eating.
I haven’t worked out in several days. I’ve started taking Puppy for walks but she’s not yet at full walking speed. I head out with her feeling like I need a good walk, then get incredibly frustrated when I realize she can’t cruise along like I want her to. So I end up annoyed with her, and annoyed with myself.
I’ve ignored my To Do list, in favor of spending too much time fiddling on the internet. Why tackle the top 5 priorities on my list when I could instead research the best tips for making ciabatta bread?
Tonight I had a glass of wine with dinner. It’s been a long time since I’ve had wine with an everyday dinner at home. Before that, well… let’s just say that Red Wine and I had a rather passionate relationship. A few months ago I decided that I didn’t need to be drinking so much – that it was crazy for me to expend so much energy on my mental health while indulging in a known depressant like alcohol. But tonight…I’m not sure what that was all about.
So here I am, wrapping up my day and feeling rather crummy about it all. But also recognizing that I chose all of these things, right down to the last little cookie. Why am I intentionally choosing things that I know aren’t good for me? Why am I sabotaging myself?