A letter to the Universe

A year and a half ago, there was a dramatic event in our lives which rocked our world.  I could downplay it by pointing out that my husband and the kids and I are all healthy, that it isn’t anything we can’t overcome, that there have been unexpected silver linings.  Nonetheless, it completely rocked our world – it was one of those times when the earth suddenly shifts on its axis.

My husband and I have spent the past year and a half redefining ourselves and trying to come up with a new life plan.  It’s been daunting to say the least.  And of course during this time, I’ve also been struggling a great deal with my depression – understanding it, managing it, coming to terms with it.

Things in our life are still very much up in the air.  I’m someone who likes a PLAN.  Preferably written down as a list or sorted in columns in an Excel spreadsheet.  This extended time of limbo has been a very real challenge for me, and it has likely made my mental health work even harder.

Universe, I understand that it was time for me to learn some very important lessons about change.  To learn that the ground will always be shifting beneath my feet.  To learn that I can’t get too stuck in the times that are difficult, or the times that are rosy.  None of those times are permanent.

Those lessons have been hard for me, and I know it hasn’t been pretty to watch me navigate such unfamiliar territory.  But here’s the thing:

I’M OVER IT.  DONE.  FINITO.

I’ve gotten the lessons and I promise I’ll work on applying them to all aspects of my life.  So can you finally send a smidgeon more certainty our way?  Let us off the hook for a little bit?  We’ve been doing the hard work – tangibly and intangibly – and we’d really appreciate some support from your end.  We need to be able to breathe a little easier, if only for a short while.

Thanks. 

Oh, and one more thing:  Don’t go messing with my blogging friends either.  They need a break too.  🙂

 

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22 thoughts on “A letter to the Universe

  1. Urgh! I really don’t like uncertainty, I’m a planner as well, and it frustrates me to no end if I have to deviate from the plan. (I rarely have a plan B either) However, one thing I have learned about depression through my personal journey…..trying to understand it greatly inhibits managing and coming to terms with it. When I finally believed—it is what it is, I learned to manage and I came to terms with it. Doing so, left me with one less burden to carry. While managing depression, I have learned quite a bit about myself, but I had to let go of the questions of what made me depressed, because the more I couldn’t find the answers, the more depressed I became.

    I hope you receive your wishes from the Universe soon!

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    • You make a good point about trying so hard to understand your depression. I’m trying to understand through therapy why I react in certain ways, what my beliefs are about myself, what causes me anxiety, etc. But I finally realize that I can’t make any sense of the biochemistry – that’s simply how I’m wired, and there’s been some relief in letting that piece go.

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      • It’s much easier learning what causes some forms of anxiety. I am still working on it, but from a year ago until now, I can see a huge difference. Learning to pay attention to my thoughts during situations which caused anxiety, helped me recognize some of my depressive symptoms. I don’t know if it’s the same for everybody, but it has enhanced my recovery.

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        • I like your idea of separating out the anxiety from the feelings of depression. It makes sense to me that it would be easier to identify anxiety-inducing situations and address those. Thanks for the suggestion!

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    • The details are less important than the fact that it was an experience that changed how we defined ourselves. And it came with lots of uncertainties with jobs, possible moves, etc. We are making progress with putting the pieces together in a new way, but it’s slow-going and emotionally draining.

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  2. Thank you for thinking of the rest of us even as you’re struggling yourself. I read the words of a noble and generous woman (maybe you can carry that thought with you through all your stressful family commitments ahead)

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  3. I like how you framed this. At first, I was like “what was the event”, but then I read you above comment and got it. It’s not about what happened, it’s about your response, and your wish for the universe to understand that you got the intended lesson and hope for more stability (for your blog friends too…thanks for that.)

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  4. Boy, do I identify with this comment. I’m having to face so many changes at the moment, and it’s the uncertainty of it all which is the most frustrating. But thanks for another great post. Wishing you the best of luck.

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    • Thanks for reading and identifying. Uncertainty is something I’ve always struggled with – but in much smaller doses. This is a pretty hefty dose for me and it’s taking its toll…but the only choice is to keep plugging away, putting one foot in front of the other. And again, and again, and again. I hope that things start to take shape for you, too.

      By the way, I really like your post with the letter to your younger self. I’ll comment there soon. 🙂

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  5. I too love your letter to the universe. It sounds like you’ve been doing hard work learning all these lessons. Keep on going. Going to follow your blog because I love it so much. Just came across it this morning when reading my fellow blog friends depressedbuthopefuls blog. XXX

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    • Thank you so much! I enjoy depressedbuthopeful as well, so a friend of hers is a friend of mine. 🙂

      And thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes it’s enough just to remember to keep on going…

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    • Stability would be wonderful but it’s elusive for a while longer, I think. I hope that your work situation will be a much better fit for you. I’ve been following you over on your blog but haven’t wanted to post a comment every single time for fear that you’ll get sick of me there! 🙂

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  6. Pingback: Getting through my week… | One Depressed Mama

  7. Pingback: Teetering | One Depressed Mama

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