Today was another rough day. That feeling like I wanted to throw a tantrum? Apparently I decided not to fight that instinct today. I felt tired – no, not tired – I felt WEARY. With every bone in my body, I felt weary of my depression and my ruminations and thoughts and feelings.
In the spirit of venting my tantrum here so I can get it out and not have it happen again (she says hopefully), here are some of the things I want and don’t want, in no particular order…
I don’t want to have to fight my depression for the rest of my life.
I don’t want to worry about meds.
I want to laugh and feel light and free.
I don’t want to have to think about how my depression affects my kids.
I want to find friends who are healthy and reasonable and with whom I can share my depression.
I don’t want to wake up every day wondering if it’s going to be a good day or a bad day.
I want to have parents who love me unconditionally.
I want to get to a point in therapy where I’ve uncovered the roots of all of my issues and there’s nothing more to discuss (ha!!).
I don’t want to have to ask my husband for help with things that I should be perfectly capable of handling on my own.
I want to write a blog that people read because of my sense of humor, and not because of my depression.
I don’t want to feel anxious with the other moms hanging around the playground.
I want to accept who I am, flaws and all.
I want to feel peace.
What do you want?