It’s a new week

Last week was a busy week for me, with lots to do and lots to be anxious about.  I had some successes, and some failures.  I also reached another level of understanding of my depression.  It’s amazing to me how many levels there are – each time I think I have a pretty good picture of my illness, and what my life will look like with it, I realize there is still more for me to understand.  And more for me to accept.

I think the reality is that I will be actively managing my mental health for the rest of my life.  Day in and day out, week in and week out – I’ll be thinking about my illness and how to mitigate its effects on my life.  At some point I thought that meds would help me to put the illness away and not have to think about it…but I understand now that that vision isn’t at all accurate. 

So I’ve increased my understanding…now for the harder step of acceptance.  There’s a part of me that wants to throw a tantrum – scream and rage that it isn’t fair, and I don’t want to be accepting, and my kids shouldn’t have to be penalized for having a mom who battles depression.  And on and on.  But I know that won’t do much to help me.  Yes, there would be some immediate satisfaction but eventually I need to accept that this is my reality. 

This week is a quiet one, with not much scheduled and no real pressing issues.  I’m going to take this week to regroup and work on acceptance.

I’d love to hear how you cope with your depression, anxiety, or whatever it is that you’re struggling with.  Sometimes it helps just to know that you’re not alone.

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4 thoughts on “It’s a new week

  1. oh, you're so not alone. I keep waiting to post until I have something positive to say about how I'm coping but everyone at my end is having issues of one sort or another at the moment and my mind is blank. So in the mean time, you're not alone.

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    • Sometimes just knowing that I’m not alone is enough – even more than enough. I’ve been checking your blog to see if you’ve had any success with your son’s doctor appts. Hope you get to recuperate a bit this weekend!

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  2. You’re mostly reading my mind 🙂 Every few weeks Hubby and I have the acceptance conversation and how far I’ve yet to go. Good to know I’m not the only one (and at the same time feel massively selfish for saying that and sorry you have to go through the same thing)

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    • Acceptance is REALLY hard for me. It gets awfully discouraging when I feel like I’ve achieved acceptance of one aspect…only to later have it hit me on the head that there’s a whole other layer to be processed. And of course accepted.

      It reminds me of the scene in Shrek where the donkey is talking about ogres having all these layers like an onion. It sounds strange but I sometimes think of that when I think of my depression – a big, nasty onion with more layers than I could possibly every count. Sigh.

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