It’s finally starting to register with me how much self-doubt goes on in my head on a regular basis. More importantly, it’s starting to register with me exactly how crippling that is for me.
This morning I was a bit out of my element – I interacted with a few people, none of it at all significant, but afterwards I was wracked with doubt over how I had handled myself. And the criticisms – wow! I would never speak that way to anyone else. Never. But to myself? No problem.
I need to work on identifying when the self-doubt is happening. And then I need to figure out how to stop it from spiraling out of control…how to set the doubts aside and just accept life as it comes, trusting that my reactions are not out of the ordinary.
I often wonder how much of this kind of thing is my depression, and how much of it is just me. I know there’s no easy answer, and the truth is probably a combination of depression and me. I keep doing the hard work in therapy, and managing my depression the best I can, and I suppose that’s all I can do.